Something happened（5.29）

andy,u are my idot::012::

原帖由 wentworth 于 2008-7-21 21:04 发表
Exhausted, everyday I feel so back from the work palce. Got cold on Friday night, so I slept  14 hours on Saturday. I never thouht it will be so hard for working.  On Sunday, I found I lost my U-Disk。 ...

what a pity!::074::

Dear, but you are too far away from me.

Finally, I found my U-disk,thank goodness.   I finished the task which I thought was impossible for me at first.
Some days ago,I entered chat-room again,which is a pity for me. Maybe I need love badly,and I always speculate that my ideal man is unreal in life. Heh, I can't waste the time on things that is not controlled by me. Eventually I will find my right man as soon as he appears.
Wish my work successful, as well as Olymipc Game.

andy,it's long time to see u

I get to know, I just fall in the feeling of being loved, which is the reason why I can't let memory pass me. I am able to get rid of it if I believe that true love will come to me.

The disaster of milk ........::002::

It is a long time since the last writing.

My mobile phone got broken, so I haven't used it for almost half month. But I find I am used to the life without mobile phone. Lonely and isolated.

Work goes on everyday. Tired and empty.

Expectation wanders from me. I keep silence and let it go.

Go to the place where it is original to be.

I finished my trip today with two-days countryside life.

Fresh air, green plants, large  farms, unknown birds and poultries.

A nice suit appeared in Jack&Jones located in the town. I wanna buy but no enough money.

Half and two hours' bus journey.

I love the city where I lived.

Buzy days.

Take Shel to English corner so as to hope she can improve her oral English. But what disappointed me was that  she just listened to my speaking.

Dillon, a guy who joined in our conversation was very active to avoid talking from silence. He made sure twice that Shel is not my girl friend which made me feel weired.

Shel asked Dillon and me to change phone number when we got apart. I was surprised but Shel told me that she thought Dillon may be a gay.  I grined, I know she doesn't want me to be single any more.

After the lunch in KFC, Shel encouraged me to send message to Dillon. I followed.
Are you still there?                                                      I sent the message.
No, I've gone. Maybe I will go there next time on a fine day.         He replied.
OK.

I sent Shel off at the bus station soon. The bus gone, but I found I lost my destination in this rainy day.


[wma]http://www.mazdalife.com.cn/0803/music/music02.mp3[/wma]

[ 本帖最后由 wentworth 于 2008-10-26 20:52 编辑 ]

andy,why u have dinner with somebaody  always in KFC or Mcdonld'S?::032::

because that is cheap for you and both for me.  Save your money as I told you.

My first time

Yesterday, have lunch with D in 巴西烤肉. Such a nice guy, but never happens to me.  I got confirmation that he is straight.

I turn to believe I can't chase someone who is not in my story essentially.  Tired but in vain.

"You should treat the man you like as friend." D said to me. I know that he refered the MAN to himself.

Send message to former BF on phone.  Sad to hear "I still love you", which has no meaning to me. But maybe that man will keep in my heart for a long while.

BF, a medicine to all pain.

I finished 《firends》 yesterday.  For two months, I went the show at break time every noon. I hardly helped myself tearing when the end was coming.Ten years, a long time that is wonderful enough to be respceted.

A QQ group member said he has kept a relation with his BF for 5 years.  I was moved deeply to hear that.  Happiness for gays is not fantasy but real thing that can be touched.

Good wish to him, and to me.

Two unanswered calls, I saw them when I just came back home.

"So, what's up? Toan" I called back to Toan.
"I am about to go to cinema with LD this night."

LD is a beautiful boy I got to know from a QQ group. And I introduced him to Toan. It will be their first  date.

"I will be thankful" Toan said.
"Nothing but a wish to look after you." I said. "Have fun tonight"

I realise that I know the person I like, but don't find the person I love.
Where is he and lonely me.

I got to know LD from a gay goup, as well as Jason,Davidson, MB(just for short) ....

It was just amazing experience that having fun with gay frineds. I mean I have never been to the "party" like KTV in this situation. But I have to say, I like it. They are all kind and nice people who I wanna call them "friends".

Last night before I slept, I sent a message to LD:
Thank you for asking me out. I feel something back to the right way after all of this, friends ,party, singing, chating and laughing. It is so great to know you and be in the group.

sincerely, I am fine and even better.   Thank you, all the guys.

看着看着就悲伤起来。 我想，很多人和你一样都经历过这些心里路程。 不管如何，加油吧！::027::

Love
              The feeling changed between happiness and suffering.

Money
              The number in merchandise.

Sex
              A flash which may lead to every possibility.

BF
              The person from nearest to furthest.

Friends
              The dear constant for self.

Life
              The awesome thing including all above.

It takes only one minute to get a crush on someone，an hour to like someone，and a day to love someone.
But it takes a lifetime to forget someone
::032::

LT said to me, you are my friend. And I know, just friend.

I asked LT how to make a reason to stay over.
You wanna have sex with me? He replied.
No, with someone else.
What a pity !

Yes, I had sex with a guy at the first time we met. It is really wonderful. My penis  inserted deep into his ass hole.

I hung up LT's call when I was at home. An hour later he sent me a message from phone: Why didn't get my call? Have sex again?

I have to call back to him. What's up?
He said, nothing but see what are you doing?
I am at home right now.
Fine, I thought you were making love so that hanging up.
What if I were?
Then I would go to find you and catch you home.
........

You left the message to me that you hate me? LT asked.
Yes, a little bit but that is not the point. I answered.

Former BF called me.  A long night conversation through the phone with no meaning.

So you wanna be my BF? I asked the guy who I had sex with.
I need  more time to think it over.
Ok. I sighed.

Will it be another lonely Valentine's Day?  
I can't answer myself with tear in my eyes.


http://www.8box.cn/feed/0070C0_s_2509_1/mini.swf

DAMN IT !::034::

It is a weird Valentine's Day.

I power off my laptop at 01:00 late in the evening and fell asleep at 01:30 approximately. I had a plan to sleep over time to kill  Valentine's Day which related nothing to me.

07:38 in the morning, I found myself waking up and can't sleep again. I sent message to LT: It has been several times that I woke up arond 07:30 and can't fall asleep again. I was so tierd. It showed his phone was not power on yet which means he is still in sleep.

Last nightfall I had supper with LT. Then we walked a long way chatting. I pretended to treat him as a friend only but I knowed I still had a little affection on him indeed which is not so easy to be off for me.

So I started to read book. It is a novel named <斯普特尼克恋人> written by 村上春树. It is a story about a relation between two lesbians which is said in its introduction. Meanwhile I sent some messages to LT just something about that "you are good at sleeping and poor me."

About 09:00, I closed the book and fell asleep again. Here came my weird and unforgettable dream.
I dreamed I was sleeping. I can see nothing but hear something clearly. It was noisy sound  from beads spilling upstairs, again and again. Then I felt the sound of water from washing closed to me. I wanna see who it is but I can open my eyes hardly. So I just listened carefully to the sound. And I can make sure that is my mom washing clothes. I began to cry and call my mom till I was throaty for no reason.

Finally,I woke up near 11:00 and found it was just a dream, no sound, no mom but tear in my eyes. It was quiet and I was lonely.

Does this strange dream want  to show me something?  Or does it relate to what happened between LT and me ?  Then why here is my mom ?

I power on my phone and receive the messages from LT: I slept 12 hours last night and right now I am about to start out for work. I send back with the dream and he replies to me: sorry, I am busy right now.

This is the whole story on Valentine's Day.

独揽月下萤火 照亮一纸寂寞
追忆那些什么 你说的爱我
花开后花又落 轮回也没结果
苔上雪告诉我 你没归来过

                         ——《南山忆》

It just happened, and twice.

It that a circle? Perhaps.

I know it is a tragedy that I am still in affection with LT. I had tried, but it just hasn't gone.  So I ask myself to control it from messing the relation between LT and me, which is the friend one.

I am still happy because I realize that I am independent on sentiment. That's fine.

I told LT that I have a lot of works to do for the next several months. One case needs to be completed, one is being in process, one is planned.  
LT said, that is good for you, then you will have no time to "think too much".
I fainted.

All in all,  I will still miss LT,but  to the "safe" extent.   It won't be trouble again, and push me to go ahead.